Nothing new to report this morning. It's another morning after the night before. We're driving to Texas this afternoon. I'm not looking forward to hours in the car.
Keep it light, keep it light, keep it light.
I want to do the same thing I always do, which is just have a big cry and tell him everything that's wrong with me and us and him, and everything that I'm afraid of...and hear him tell me how much he doesn't want to lose me, and how it's going to be better, and believe him.
That's my problem. I always believe him.
The truth is, it's never going to be different. It's always going to be the same cycle. We're always going to be the same people.
I was thinking of a story last night. A few years ago, I had to have a mammogram because I found a lump in one of my breasts. I'm young, but I have a family history of breast cancer, so my doctor took it really seriously. So the night before I have to go in for all this testing, he says "If it's bad news, don't call me. I won't be able to handle it, and I really need to focus at work". I know that in his mind, he was being nice...telling me how much it would hurt him for me to be sick. What I heard was "if you get the worst news of your life, you're on your own because I don't want to be distracted." Even when it's about me, it's about him. If I could boil down everything that's wrong with us, that's it.
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